Lolcats BackstageOK, so I don’t want to be a hater. I don’t. I’m not a hater. Really! I’m not.

But I really really really really really really hate Lolcats. I don’t quite get it. What is this phenomenon? How has it gotten so popular?

Here’s my impression of how it came about:

Gosh, gee, golly, gee-whiz, that sure is a cute picture of a cat. But no, I, I can’t just send it to all my friends and family and co-workers and passers-by and strangers and such. No, it’s missing something. YES! It needs a caption of some sort. Yeah, as if the cat were trying to say something. Like as if the cat has ATTITUDE! Boffo!

But wait, I have an even better idea! (Gee, golly, I’m so clever!) What if I misspelled the captions so that the cat’s not only got attitude but he can’t fathom our quaint human world with our rules of grammar and bizarre social customs.

OMG, GENIUS!!!!!!!!!

I mean, they’re cute and all, but it’s like pushing cuteness to a whole new level. It’s like punching someone in the face with cuteness.

But won’t someone please think of the children…I mean, cats? It’s like you can’t take a cat seriously anymore. You see a cat pooping and instead of recoiling in disgust, you think, “I Shoodna Eatn Dat Hole Ding!” or two cats fucking and you say to yourself, “OOPS! Where my junk go?” I mean, don’t you remember when you looked at a cat and simply thought, “Meow.” This is borderline animal cruelty. And I’m not afraid to say it once and for all.

UPDATE: Apparently, they’re being turned into a musical. I believe this is one of the four horsemen.